I am back to my morning pages, out of which this morning came this question: why am I so busy at things that don't connect to the core of what I want and need to do?
Does saying “yes” to everyone make me feel important or sought after or does it just prolong the procrastination of sitting down by myself, alone, to determine my own direction, my need, my focus and dreams and possibilities?
If I am constantly driving from one place to another - to speak, moderate, help, meet - where am I in all that? I'm disappearing, atomistic, gone. What are the things I do to keep myself from engaging fully around my own work? How is busy-ness a protective shield?
I am facing such resistance and such acceptance so simultaneously that it is confusing. Out of the morass of my morning pages came questions and a plea for a sign, some small affirmation that I am doing the right work - the real work (ironically, RealWork is the name of the business I started 10 years ago...it has taken until now to see what that real work is). “I need for that to happen now. In February, not March or April or May, but this week. Please let the universe affirm me in a way that sustains me,” I wrote this morning.
And shortly afterwards, I opened The Artist's Way to receive this message, clear, for me:
“I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.” - Duke Ellington
I had to laugh. And then I cleared my calendar and sat down to write some blues.











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